Dear Hollywood (My Face Burned Off) by Rolli

Friday, February 17, 2012

Dear Hollywood:

My face burned off. It was sooo hot in that desert, man. I ran out of water. I walked on a landmine. I remember hearing a pop then the nurses saying Try not to touch your face.

The doctors pulled off bits of my dead face skin and pulled off good skin from behind my knees and my behind. They actually glued those on. The bigger strips they stitched on. When they showed me my face the first time I thought I was observing stroganoff. They fed me stroganoff a lot and soft food a lot. I also thought about Frankenstein.

Can I be a monster? You guys spend millions of dollars on masks but I don’t need a mask or makeup. I could work for only $40/day for my rent if you feed me. The lady who owns the tool shed is feeding me oatmeal right now, but I’m a big guy, I need meat. I used to weigh 220 lbs, now I weigh maybe 200, 210 lbs.

I’ve enclosed an envelope for your reply but not a stamp. I hope that’s OK. They won’t let me back in the post office.


Sgt. Hugh Kubbie


Rolli writes—and draws a little—for adults (Hayden’s Ferry Review, New York Tyrant, Rattle) and children (Ladybug, Spider, Highlights). He’s the author of God’s Autobio (short stories) and Plum Stuff (poems/drawings). Visit his blog (, and follow his epic tweets @rolliwrites.

© 2012, Metazen.

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