by Peter Schwartz

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Feel free to listen as you read: premature emancipation.


It’s semi-okay to kill someone with your thoughts

(Especially yourself).

My tears are actually your tears mixed with a tiny bit of food coloring so that everybody will see they’re different and draw the conclusion that I have a real functioning personality.

To go out in public you must sometimes walk through a door that looks like a grave.

This is what is meant by “behavior”.

I’d like to make a fortress of pineapples and stay in there for as long as my food supply held out just to test my willpower to see whether or not I’d start in on the pineapples themselves.

Holiness is just another way of going bald.

Everybody looks dumb from behind which is exactly why I hope there’s no afterlife.

I’m mutating and memorizing every loss like a milk carton.

I wish I didn’t come from a vagina.

I feel dirty all the time.

I’ve considered putting a cheap microphone up my ass so I can hear just exactly what the hell is going on inside there.

People are changing me by doing things that have nothing to do with me.

They wear themselves like jewelry while I jump in dumpsters for a sense of legitimacy.

I’m even uglier than I was on my first birthday.

Faking happiness doesn’t work.

Better to be trapped in a cage made of pineapples.

Better to be corrupted by your own violent speaker system.

Better to miss your own exorcism.

Better not to show up.


Peter Schwartz is the author of Old Men, Girls, and Monsters. Read Christopher Allen’s interview with Schwartz on the Metazen Blog right now.

Photo: Frances Dinger


© 2011, Metazen.

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