Her Mouth Small and Round by Jack Swenson
I am in love with Betty, who works in National. I work in Retail, so I am not worthy, but I dream nevertheless. I sneak looks at her in the cafeteria where she sits with the other girls and makes her mouth small and round as she sips her Coca Cola. I look at my watch. It is Friday. I won’t see her again until Monday, which makes me sad. That afternoon I hear the click clack of her high heels as I am bent over my drawing board. She hands an envelope to a little man with red hair and a twitching mustache. He looks like a rat. She sashays past and pinches my neck on her way out. I go up in flames. My cheeks burn. My heart does a Krupa in my chest. Sloppy Shuffle grins as she sashays out of our pen, says Woo Woo. I begin to pencil in words: Buy Now and Save.
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Jack Swenson is a scribbler and cat herder now living in the great state of California. He has stories in Ghoti, Staccato, Boston Literary Magazine, Fiction at Work, Camroc Press Review. His story “Estranged” has been accepted by Wigleaf.
© 2010, Metazen. All rights reserved.
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Hey! … we have all been there… in a crushing crush… exhilarated by a glance. I loved the way she ’sashayed’ ….and the description of Gene Krupa pounding a heartbeat conjured a fabulous image to me! Loved this.. It made me smile ;o)
I love this piece! It’s great how you’ve kept us in the now. We are right there with you. Your imagery is so fun.
I enjoyed how your piece was a subtle homage to the imagination, and to the power of the imagination to create those images that lingers long and devotionally to our senses… The tone of your piece was alluring and exotic but never took steps towards falling into traps of cliche. You were able to create an alluring abstract that gave gravity to the senses.
Thanks.
This is terrific writing. Love Mr. Swenson’s work!
Wow! What reviews! Thank you all very much.