Shoes by Meg Pokrass

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Meg Pokrass reads her “Shoes” from Metazen from megpokrass on Vimeo.

It was hard to find the right shoes. Jane needed to talk to a human on the telephone at an online shoe company. She would ask intelligent questions about stability and comfort – and even if the person were dumb, she would still be accomplishing something, finding out what mattered for fragile feet.

The online shoe store had a phone concierge service called “Core Value Talks With David”. It was free. Well made boots had core values, she had core values, and David (whoever he was, obviously) had core values or they would not have hired him to take these kinds of calls.

She dialed the 1-800 number on the screen.

There was no ringing, just music, the Dresden Dolls – then a recorded voice that said, “You have exactly five seconds left on hold” (which seemed unnecessary) and then a live male voice.

“I’ve never been into shoes but I am now, good evening, my name is David, how can I be of service tonight?” the voice said.

“Did you say that you have never been into shoes but you are now?” Jane asked. Her hearing wasn’t perfect since her last sinus infection.

“That’s my script,” David said.

“And who with the lovely feet am I speaking with tonight?” he said. “First name only, please”.

“Well, sure, hi and good evening. I’m… ” She looked at her feet, her lovely little feet that had been through so much hell, and a few depressing sexual encounters since her divorce. New middle aged men had sex issue that came with instructions, pills that could be fatal were often needed by these men. Just to make love to a woman!

“I’m… Miranda,” she lied. “Mandy,” she said, “Or you can call me, Minnie”.

“As in…. mouse?” the voice said, sounding a bit happy with itself, maybe arrogant..

“Of course,” she said. “Now, David? If that is your name, I wonder about your core values immediately, if you are reading to me from a script, and if you are assuming that I like to be connected with Disneyland. My life is not at all connected with Disneyland, David, and I am not with polka dots” She took a swig from her light beer, and felt a hovering sensation in her scalp.

“Well, my my,” said the voice. “Who’s having some issues?” He said. He sounded like a psychotherapist, and she wished, that magically, he could be.

“I’m just having an ‘in the moment ‘ reaction to your fake approach to customer service, David,” Jane said.

Jane felt hungry suddenly for a briny pickle, so hungry she couldn’t focus on why she had called. She no longer cared about stable shoes. She was low blood sugar.

Neither of them spoke for at least twenty seconds. She could hear him breathing evenly.

Jane said, “Kid, listen – I’ll call you back.”

“Otay,” he said. “Call me anytime, we’re here twenty-four hours. I’m Core Values at extension #403.”

The next time, when she reached the voice named David, she got right to the point. “Why do you work for a shoe company if you are not into shoes?” Jane said.

“I’ve never been into shoes, and I’m still not,” David said. “And my verbal introduction is pretty much real – it’s better to enable the customer know that we’re not shoe whores here. We’re educators.”

“Sure,” she said, “David, here is my take away. I am just one of a hundred voices on hold, and I really think that since I told you my name was Miranda, and that my nickname is Minnie, we became way too casual, too quickly.”

“I think what you need to understand, Minnie, is that I understand that core values are deeper than the shoes we wear, and that’s what I’m here to say, Minnie. Minnie, I can help you select the shoes that will make you feel grounded, and also, Minnie, I will make sure you get free shipping and overnight delivery free – because you deserve it Minnie…

“Don’t we all? Don’t we all deserve wonderful service… Minnie?

Jane was surprised that David, who had last time seemed people-sensitive – had disappeared, and was now behaving more like your basic dime-a-dozen shoe-salesman.

A passionless David.

“Yes, we do deserve to be treated well, David. I believe we do, David,” Jane said, suddenly angry, and wishing to kick him.

Her name was not Minnie, and his name was clearly not David.

David is such a lovely name, she thought. The perfect core values name. A founding father’s name, or a dead lover’s name.

She thought about how she might have named a child David.

“Are you suggesting that free shipping will give me emotional comfort, David?”

Jane felt out of control of her kick-ass voice and her moving lips. Jane could imagine David desperate for a cigarette.

“I need this kind of understanding, this sense of value, of real core values. And I’m grateful,” Jane added in a lower voice, a feeling of alcohol’s warmth bringing in some friendliness. Also, just a bit of curiosity. A child’s kind of innocent curiosity.

This David was cute, real cute, she could tell.

“David?”

“Yes, Minnie?”

“David, I was wondering if I could ask you what your real name is?”

“Oh,” (he jumped right in) “David.” “Really, they were only hiring Davids.”

“So, if your name had been “Gaga,” forget it?”

David laughed. A real laugh. “I wish my name were Gaga,” he said.”Nope, it’s David, and I think if I called myself Gaga it would sound pretentious.”

Jane laughed too, though that wasn’t anything she had been suggesting.

“Here’s a little bit of information, David Gaga. I’ve got a filthy mind, and I imagine you are very attractive.”

“Hmm. What size shoe was that, Minnie?”

“I’ve always been a night owl, David Gaga,” she said.

“Minnie, these phone calls may be monitored for quality assurance,” David said, in a low voice, not a whisper exactly, more like a moan.

“Oh, you are under watch,” Jane said, imagining an enormous room full of cute Davids, some Davids watching other Davids. Some Davids less intelligent than others.

“You are welcome to detail your foot width and shoe size in an e-mail to me directly at stevego@nmail.com. Did you get that, uhm….Minnie?”

“Sure Steve, I got that, and will do so now,” Jane said. She pushed End and the phone was silent.

Jane looked in the bathroom mirror, and gently touched the smile lines like commas around her lips. They were nice lines. She would love to know more.

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