The Rule of Cats: Modern Society and impending changes to this delicate balance of power by Andrew Harvey
Cats conquered the human race over three thousand years ago, and have been enslaved ever since. The Egyptians literally built massive stone idols to them which still stand today, unlike the affordable housing built for humans forty years ago.
Today we tend to cats every need. They have a health care system rivaling that most Canadians would be lucky to have access to (providing you are a middle-class, employed individual with disposable income to support a multi-million dollar cat-based industry). A wide array of foods, medicines, toys, clothing, accessories, and even jewelry exist for pets. In addition to this, there is a cat-service industry ranging from grooming to yoga.
In modern society, cats live a life of leisure, sleeping, and eating as they please. They occasionally partake in hunting, the favourite pastimes of Cats. Humans are permitted to engage in their modes of production which allow for the utmost comfort of the upper echelons of Cat Society. The human capitalist framework creates a society which mirrors the inequality of the cats who rule it. While the wealth generated by the enslaved human race is great, a minority of cats benefit from this massive wealth. Some cats live in squalor, literally starving to death while others face health complications related to obesity caused by a sedentary lifestyle, and too-readily available food sources.
The opulence of the highest class of Cat Rulers is unimaginable to most average Cats. Luxury foods, diamond studded collars, and velvet cat beds are the trappings of the elite rulers of Cat Society.
Cats around the world are calling for a mass redistribution of wealth to allow all cats to share in the great bounty which has been gained through the subjugating of the human race. While there is mass resistance to this proposed redistribution of wealth by the richest of the Cats, it is known that the collective will of the majority of cats will be too great to resist the change much longer.
Humans can expect their Cat masters to issue the orders to shift production and economies around the world to more equitable forms in the near future. This order by our furry, yet ultimately benevolent masters will serve to increase the standard of living for all Cats, and de facto, the humans they keep to tend to their needs.
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Andrew Harvey is a Folk Artist, Off-Campus Housing Guru, Humourist and writer living in St. John’s, Newfoundland.
Andrew was raised on the hard streets of Berwick, NS (pop. 3000), and recieved a degree in History from St. FX university in 2005. In 2006, after a year abroad, The inexplicable allure of the rocky shores of Newfoundland, and the promise of Cod so thick in the waters that they slow the progress of ships, and can be taken into the boat by hanging a basket over the side, brought Andrew to Newfoundland. After the realization of the state of the Cod fishery, he decided to stay anyhow.
Andrew can now be found in downtown St. John’s, eagerly awaiting the revolution.
© 2009, Metazen. All rights reserved.
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